I am quitting my job. I am leaving my private therapy practice with nothing waiting for me on the other side. I am ending my stable career without a company knocking on my door to offer me a position or a publishing house sending me a contract to write another book. I am quitting my job because I am again being faced with listening to my intuition.
The story goes like this: about a year ago I heard this quiet voice saying “Molly, it is time — you need to leave your private practice.” Then day-by-day its volume began to rise continuing to say, “Follow the voice you hear, adhere to your intuition and trust within!” But instead of listening to this voice, I did everything opposite than what I have encouraged you all to do in my book. I did not listen because I was scared and it did not make sense to me to leave. I would ask myself, “Why would I leave a job where I am trying to make a difference in peoples lives? Why would I leave a thriving practice with a waiting list? Why would I leave the stability of a paycheck that is responsible for paying half of my family’s household bills, especially when my husband is still at a start-up making a start-up salary? Why?”
These “whys” kept me glued to my therapist chair and kept me walking into my office week by week even though I kept hearing the voices telling me it is time to go. Until one day in a silent hot spring, they came in so loud I could not ignore them anymore.
I was supposed to fly to LA to be on a podcast for my book. I was so excited, or I should say my ego was so excited, to be on this podcast with a woman who has close to 200,000 followers. With less than 24 hours before I was supposed to get on the plane, she wrote me an email canceling. A wave of emotions arose; I was pissed, hurt, frustrated, and disappointed, to name a few. I was putting a lot of my success eggs in her basket and was giving her so much of my power because I thought this one interview just might make the book that I put my heart and soul into a hit.
After receiving the email I sat on my couch for a few minutes, let myself pout and be mad and then took some deep breaths and heard, “Molly you have a two-day window, go somewhere.” So I got in the car the next morning and headed to Breitenbush hot springs. These hot springs are about an hour and a half from my home in Bend and are a haven for my psyche. At Breitenbush there is no internet or cell service, there are no expectations of how to be or not to be in this environment, and so I can really drop in and disappear into my heart.
I soaked in the healing hot springs, ate vegetarian food, walked in the old growth forest, and slowly I began to hear my deeper truth. And it was in these days that I could not run away from my intuition into driving carpool, answering phone calls, running errands, or working. No, it was too quiet and so beautifully simple that I had to listen to my intuition saying over and over again, “You need to leave your private practice and go into the abyss. As scary as this is going to be because you are going to be shown deeper parts of your personality and belief systems that need to dissolve and you are someone who would much prefer to be busy than still, you must leave and go into the emptiness of life. And Molly you have always been taken care of you, you will be okay. Go and trust and jump and face your fears and trust again.”
The next day when I was back in the world of cell reception I wrote my office mate and told her that I was leaving. And then I began the heart opening process of telling my 40 plus clients goodbye. In ending therapy with my clients, which is sometimes their most intimate relationship, I knew I needed to come in the room as a human, not a clinician. I needed to talk to them through the voice of Molly, not their therapist, and then trust whatever was going to arise in the room to let it arise.
What came in the room was sadness through witnessing a 7th-grade boy tearing up and saying, “This is my only place to be me. ” And the inhibition to be real and raw by crying with a client that I have been with for 10 years through her divorce, her new marriage, the birth of her three children, and her courageous survival of cancer. And what else came in the room was excitement around my clients know they are ready to face the world on their own two feet. This excitement looked like giving each other high fives and cheers for facing their sexual, physical or emotional abuse in the eye and saying, “You are not going to control me anymore. I am stronger and bigger than you. I am now a survivor and no longer a victim to my story.” And what I learned most around telling my clients goodbye is that it has been an unbelievable honor and unforgettable gift to be a witness to some of their deepest human life experiences.
Telling my clients goodbye has been only half of what life had in store for me. On a daily basis, I feel as if I am traveling on a boat into unchartered waters. Some day’s it is smooth sailing with the most exciting sunrises and sunsets showing me the possibilities of what I can and will do next with my career. The rainbow sky colors remind me that I can hopefully make a difference in corporate America, or touch others lives through implementing healing and mental health principles into a broader audience.
Then on other days, I am faced with the stormy waters of my fearful emotions around the voices screaming, “How am I going to survive this transition time? Why did I put myself in this position of starting something totally new at 46 years old?” Or “I cannot afford to just leave my job and think that something will arrive because my intuition told me. I am crazy!” But then I look at my boat and the horizon and I keep coming back to the voice I heard at Breitenbush to trust my intuition, believe in my intellect, and continue to pray to God for guidance.
I am here today trusting and hopefully through my words you can look at your life and ask yourself, “What am I not listening to that needs to change?” “Where am I not paying attention to my inner wisdom out of fear? What voices do I need to adhere and given attention to?” Or “What is my intuition telling me today?” These voices could be telling you something about your marriage, family, or career. They could be speaking to you about your body, addictions, patterns of behavior, or simply to be more loving and kind to yourself. But I encourage you to listen and not let your fears inhibit you from following your one true voice.
Or as my best friend Charlotte said to me today on the phone, “Mols you wrote this book on intuition and now you have to live this book on intuition.” And then I said, “But did it really have to tell me to quit my job?” So please come along with me on this unchartered journey of following your intuition, or at least please keep sending me the jobs you see on LinkedIn.